Thursday, May 30, 2013

So This is How the Conversations Go...

Conversation with Child:
We're riding along in the car - the one that slightly resembles Fred Flintstone's -- and I hear Emily saying:

"Mom. Molly says she's not gonna get married."

Molly looks at Emily perplexingly - not absolutely sure what is being said.

I said, "Fine. She can stay at home and live with her mother forever."

Emily says, "Yeah, but if she does get married...THE GUY can cut the grass. No woman will be cutting the grass."

Bless her darlin' heart. She's seen ME cut the grass for the past several years, weed eat, blow off the debris. You know. The usual yard work.
I think I'll agree with her about "no woman will be cutting the grass".
Maybe I could draw up a contract stating that fact and sign it with a sharp fingernail dipped in blood.
Sounds good to me.

Ah. Kids.

Conversation at Church about a Child:
I was chatting with a lady at Wednesday night church and prayer meeting a while back, and as she walked off I said, " have a small child attached your leg." (her grandson)
She said, "I know, but it's better than having a tick stuck there."

Conversation with Chum:
THEN there are my friends who merely have the intellect of a child.
I won't name names, but hers starts with M-a-r and ends with l-e-n-e.
She and Donna went to a small town theater to see a play, and the story was based on Sherlock Holmes. Marlene (oops...slipped and typed her name) is somewhat re-telling and/or summarizing the plot and then comments, " was a little on the dark side because Wilson thinks he's killed Sherlock Holmes."
I said, "HUH? Wilson?"
Mar..(.oh that's right...I'm not mentioning her real name.)
Anonymous friend states, "Yeah. His sidekick Wilson thinks he accidentally killed Mr. Holmes."
(Strategic eye rolling by me) "Uhm. Do you by any chance mean W-A-T-S-O-N? As in 'Elementary my dear Watson?' "
Mar/Anonymous friend: "Ooooooooh. Yeah. That's right. Watson."

I must protect the identification of said anonymous friend who is - sometimes - a blonde. Literally.
Shades of Miss Clairol run deep in her family history.
Why stay on her good side? Because she has done sooooooooooo much for my family. OMG!

But she is a hoot.
She'll send me a text, goof up a word, and say, "I wish I had spell check for my fingers."

She IS the friend who supplied me with 10 pair of Dixie Bell pant-a-looms for my trip to China. I just could not take a chance that the TSA officials would check my suitcases (which they did - both coming and going) and have them come upon the 15 stuffed-animal Mongolian camels that I bought AND my "past due needed' drawers.
Back in Feb. and March I was packing, planning, preparing for my U.S. departure to fetch Miss Molly, but it seems I could not find 'unders' that worked for my body.
No Victoria's Secret for me.
Anyhoo - Victoria ain't got too many secrets left these days. Uh Hum.

Mar, I mean anonymous friend, is the Queen of Connections. She knows where to shop, where to find things, and she scouted out 10 pair of the silky undies for me to pack for my trip.
I know what you're thinking.
"Weren't you gone for about 15 days? What about the other 5?"
Remember: I was on a plane or sitting in an airport going over and coming back - for a total of about 4 days. I didn't even brush my teeth for probably 83 1/2 hours of travel time.
I actually had a few at the house that worked fine. I was not totally depleted.
But a friend in need (was I) and a friend indeed (was she).

I know.
One shouldn't talk about such things as underwear..
But I do it anyway.

She (pronoun reference to anonymous friend) also found me some great black shirts, winter coat (donated it in Hohhot, Inner Mongolia), and approximately 15 neon green bandannas (tied on EVERY piece of luggage or backpack that we carried to China) that SCREAMED LOUDLY, "This is YOURS, Vicki. Do NOT set it down, forget it, or leave it somewhere."
They worked great. Job well done.

Thanks anonymous friend for all you've done and continue to do.
We love ya.

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